47 Ways to Annoy Ophelia
For those of you who like a torturous, drawn-out death.
1. Cut off her braid.
2. Cut her hair so it's in a bob like Clare's.
3. Remind her about her brother. Constantly.
4. Make her read Hamlet.
5. When she's finished reading, warn her about falling into lakes.
6. Make her see a therapist.
7. Sell her sob story to a magazine.
8. Tell anyone who talks about her that 'she's just a big softie, really'.
9. Put flowers in her hair.
10. Buy her a teddy and act all upset if she destroys it.
11. Or, better yet. Buy her a Priscilla toy and watch her go psycho.
12. In fact, give her highly intricate and incredibly false directions to where Priscilla is and watch her go psycho when she can't find her.
13. Tell her that 'Clare can beat you anyday'.
14. Tell her that 'Raki can beat you anyday.'
15. When she twists her head round, start singing 'You spin me right round, baby...'
16. Dress up as Hilda and start 'haunting' her, wanting revenge.
17. In fact, just cover yourself